Getting what you want in your career and in life isn't as difficult as it may seem. I mean it.
I've been very fortunate, both professionally and personally, and
along the way learned seven key ways to help make it happen. In essence,
I work to put others first, and to be more likeable, to end up with
what I want in everything I do. I'll be writing about this in far more
detail in
my third book next year.
In the meantime, here's a sneak peak at how you can be successful in everything you do, too:
- Listen First and Never Stop Listening
Listening
is the single-most important skill in professional and personal
relationships. Ernest Hemingway said, "When people talk, listen
completely. Most people never listen." It's sad, but true: Most people
have their own agenda and are too busy talking (or waiting to talk) to
listen to you. So here's the paradox: If you, unlike most people, can
truly listen with empathy, then people will like you--and eventually
help you get what you want.
It's perhaps another paradox, but it
works: When you want something from someone, instead of asking for it,
help that person get what he or she wants. If you don't know what he or
she wants, then simply ask,
"How can I help you?" Since
so many people are out to only help themselves, when you genuinely seek
to help others succeed in their goals and dreams, you'll stand out. And
those people you genuinely help will in turn fight to help you succeed
and give you everything you want. Help others first, without expecting
anything--and the returns will be enormous.
- Be Yourself: Authentic, Transparent, and Vulnerable
Oprah
Winfrey stated, "I had no idea that being your authentic self could
make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot
earlier." Professionals, especially of an older generation, tend to have
a tough time with authenticity and transparency in the workplace.
People, especially men, tend to have a tough time being vulnerable,
especially with people they don't know well. Many also aren't sure how
much to reveal online, or at work, or to people they've just met. But,
hard as these choices may be, authenticity, transparency, and
vulnerability all breed trust. And when people trust you, they'll do
anything for you. Open up to people, and take a chance, and you'll be
rewarded.
As important as it is to listen
and help others, in order to get what you want, eventually you've got to
tell people what that is. But nobody wants to be sold to. So whether
it's a product, service, idea, or yourself that you're trying to
sell--give up on "selling." Instead, focus on telling a great
story--captivating your audience, bringing to life what the future will
bring, and painting a great picture of what will happen if you get what
you want. When you get good at storytelling, people want to be part of
that story--
and they want to help others become part of that story too.
- Inject Passion Into Every Interaction
Passion is
contagious, but so is lack of passion. If you're not passionate about
what you're talking about, why should someone else care? If you want
something, you must be more excited and dedicated to it than anyone
else. If you're not passionate about it, maybe it's not really that
important to you. Not everyone is super high-energy and extraverted,
though these qualities can help convey passion in many cases.
Passion and energy alone put me through college with my first job.
But ultimately, you don't need to be bouncing off the walls to convince
someone of something. You just need to reveal your true passion, in the
way that's genuine for you.
- Surprise and Delight Others
You know how when you
walk into a casino, there's always a slot machine going off somewhere
in the background, telling the world that another person just hit a
jackpot? This is what social psychologists call
variable rewards.
You don't know when you're going to win; you just have enough positive
experiences that you feel excited, even when you're not winning. When
you surprise and delight others, not only do you make them happy--you
remind them that you're the type of person who might surprise and
delight them soon again. Some classic examples: bringing home flowers to
your wife for "no reason"; telling a customer his order will arrive
next week but then overnighting it; and now, tweeting to a random
prospect that she's won a free prize. If you go out of your way to make
an experience with you special, especially when people least expect it,
you will get huge results over time.
- Use The Four Most Important Words in Business and Life
Say
"I'm sorry" when you make a mistake and "thank you" as much as you can.
These words are so simple, yet so often people overlook the importance
of saying them. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone knows that. It's
not when you make a mistake that's a problem; it's when you make a
mistake and are too proud or embarrassed to be vulnerable, fess up, and
apologize. Just say "I'm sorry" and let another person forgive you, so
you can move on, and eventually get what you want. Conversely, sincere
gratitude to people is a powerful emotion to convey, and opens up many
doors.
I send three hand-written thank you cards every
morning. I send them to staff, customers, vendors, the media, and
friends, and not only do I find people love receiving cards, but writing
"thank you" puts me in an incredible mindset to start my day. This is
not just about sending cards, though. It's about having a deep
appreciation for and wonder about the people and world around you.
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